Thursday, May 17, 2007

mother's day recap

i was sending an email to heather about mother's day when i decided to paste it onto here. if anyone needs a refresher, i have a loser brother who disappoints at every turn. years of meth, vicodin, crack and whatever else he chooses to snort or smoke has eliminated any couth or common decency. i feel obligated to say i love him because he is blood but the years of disappointment have basically made him simply fodder for interesting conversation.

i threw a fantastic little brunch here for my mom and stepdad, jason's mom and stepdad and bryan and his baby were also invited. i also bought mom and karen matching silver heart keychain lockets and they really enjoyed it. but then there's always the issue of my brother, and here's where i simply paste from the email to heather:

"it was great. the brunch went really well, cooked lots of yummy stuff (i was still eating the heath bar dip for dinner tues nite) and everyone seemed to have a good time. bryan was his typical self. was actually on time, but didn't ask if i needed help, immediately went to sleep on my couch clutching his child to him while matthew gave a "my life sure sucks" look (which freaked karen out as she assumed bryan was coming off of crack or something and mouthed the words "is he okay" desparately to jason). he bitched about megan the whole day, took me outside to say that it was my fault that he looked like an ass because he didn't buy mom a gift (he says i said i would take care of it, unfortunately he is thinking of every other holiday and mother's day and has simply begun to assume i would do it) but wasn't interested in putting in any cash on the brunch that he pigged out on, and finally ended the day by this interaction (which i think i will copy onto my blog):

bryan: so is your bathroom in working order?
me (in the midst of doing a million things): what?! oh, yeah. wait, are you going to make twosies?
bryan: huh huh. yeah.
me: ugh. well let me go in there first.
bryan: so what kind of magazines do you have?

the rest of that dialogue moves to my head where i ask myself "what do you think this is? mother effen barnes and noble? is it not a visit from you until you've fallen asleep and dominated a toilet? there's no way i am related to you. i want a paternity test. i DEMAND a paternity test."

me: ugh. yeah, there's a magazine bin over there.

note to all who visit, do not touch the entertainment weekly with spiderman 3 on it. it has now officially been descecrated, as well as my poor bathroom that smelled like death all the rest of the day."

in case anyone is wondering why jason is so adament about dylan being an only child, this pretty much backs up his theory that inevitably one child is better than the other and everyone knows it. i am sure it isn't true for everyone, but my family has a genetic disposition towards it most assuradly. we also had a disposition towards loser ass sons, but i have nipped that in the bud by having the most kick ass boy ever.

therapy, anyone? thank goodness i can eat my feelings... come here, french toast casserole


The Hulsey Family said...

ROFLMAO!! I'm sorry! I can sympathize only because I have a relative pretty close to that.

shannon said...

dude. first of all, share the heath dip recipe... NOW!

i agree on siblings. one is usually way better off than the other.

Kache said...


that sucks

eating your feelings is always a contrucive way to go about it though. works every time.

Heather said...

ahh french toast casserole... yumm... carb overload...