Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Not right, not fair

I knew that I was going to be connected to these 150 kids for a long time after teaching last year, but I was hoping to share more joy than not. I found out about a week or two ago that one of my students was being aggressively treated for leukemia. I was so sad for her and her family as all her friends were headed off to college and she was dealing with that. Well I found out last night that she lost her battle.

When I found out she was sick, it made me sad that she was sick in a hospital room while her friends were meeting their new roommates, seeing new cities, and starting a new chapter in college. Last night when I found out she had passed it made me sad to think of all the amazing things that have happened to me since I graduated high school and to think it might have all never happened. I learned a ton, I discovered who I am, I made a million and one great friends, met some not-so-special guys, met one special guy, had a great baby, had good jobs, saw so many places, and so on and so on.

I wasn't as close to this girl as I was to others, she was quiet and sweet. Now I wish I could have known her better because that was the only chance I had. I know a lot of people find strength and hope in their higher power when stuff like this happens, but it is probably when I resent religion and the idea that "everything happens for a reason" most of all. I could look at it as her being there to teach us all a lesson in loving life and appreciating everything in the moment, carpe diem, blah blah blah. It is hard to though. Because when kids have cancer and when kids die and while a million other awful things happen in the world, it is very hard to be grateful to the rhyme and reason of the universe. I'd rather think there's no one out there watching and that it is all a genetic fluke than to believe there is an all knowing entity who allows these things to happen for a reason. Because I have to think there's a better way to encourage us to be better people than to kill off people or make them suffer.

Anyways, sorry for a downer post after Labor Day. Enjoy everything about today, you just never know what tomorrow is going to bring...

LHS - Kim

7 comments:

Kache said...

That would be very sad news to get, no matter when. I'm sorry she had such a short time here.

Delfina said...

I'm sorry to hear the bad new. That is a wonderful lo you made in her memory.

Scrap_N_Angel said...

What a nice way to preserve your thoughts of her. So true, we must enjoy today since it's over so soon.

shannon said...

sorry to hear of her passing.
i am so not a religious person, but i found it easiest to believe in something. the layout is a great tribute.

Rita said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your student/friend. It's definitely so sad when someone young and with their whole life ahead of them loses a battle like that. Makes me feel grateful for my own little place in the universe.

Religion is a hard thing for sure. I guess I look at it this way...if a higher power were just there to ensure that only good things happened, then how trite would our lives be? We would be so selfish and spoiled. Even more than we already are. It's the bad things that happen that make us feel so grateful for our own lives. How cliche is that? It sucks whichever way you look at it.

Kory Dordea said...

So sorry to hear your sad news, but you have made such a beautiful tribute to her short life.

Lizzy said...

I really felt like you until I had my kids and then I decided to give them back the traditions I grew up with. Now I have 3 Jewish children (until now...) and a proud mom not showing them my beliefs until now. I totally understand your fears about what people would think about you being an agnostic. Well, I can tell you that I admire you!!!!
Lizzy