Sunday, November 23, 2008

Dear Continental...

Hi. It's me, Brandy. You know me, I usually fly with you. Not a ton, but loyally. Til now. You know, you used to really have me convinced you were all about customer service. That you were the best out there.

Eff you, Continental. Eff you and your whole fleet. Let's talk about the things that have angered me this week, a week when gas prices are lower than they've been in literally years before you even march that excuse out for the insane number of fees you've added on to my travel experience. First of all, I noticed you no longer have much in the way of employees, simply a skeleton crew of older people who linger around kiosks where I am in charge of my entire experience. That sure sucked, but I was making it through printing passes for my three person brigade. We get to the frickin charges on luggage. Now I'm doing all the work myself and you're screwing me out of more money. Lovely. $15 for the first, $25 for the second. We're gone for a week so that's $40 for the adults and then $15 for Dylan's stuff. I ask someone over because I assume I've already paid for Dylan's because a $15 charge was already on my credit card. She lets me know that's because I called to make that reservation instead of doing it online. Talking to a person = $15. I comment to her that my bum bum hurts because I'm pretty sure that Continental is committing unmentionable acts without lubrication or kindness to my bum bum and walk away. Of course our flight has a two hour delay which I enjoy the heck out of, I pay $2 for headphones that never work and I finally use my iPod ones to watch X-Files. Thank goodness for David Duchovny, he rescued my spirits. Final charge for "extras" on trip to Seattle: $72

On the way back...first of all, check in at Seattle is even more ridiculous. Two elderly ladies badgering me as to whether I've got my tickets ready yet. Beyotch, I'm still printing them. This is hard work, you'd know if you were doing it. But I am so go decay somewhere else. Suddenly one of our suitcases has gained 20 lbs and it oversized. It by itself is now $65. Fan.Tas.Tic. I get charged $15 for the other and decide to go rogue with the third piece. Will anyone notice if I carry on three? I decide they will not. Also unfortunate is the lack of consistent experience with these guys. The first flight had these awesome TV's on the back of each seat and you could pick your own movies. Awesome. Way back, old school with the one screen five seats ahead and it is a frickin Brendan Frasier movie. Unless it is the one with Pauly Shore, I don't know it and I don't care. Not to mention that pilot nearly killed us upon landing. So trip back - $80 and a total of $152 that we normally wouldn't have been charged. Eff you. I bet you go to the government, hand out, next week and ask for a bailout. Just use lube next time you rape me, Continental. You are dead to me...at least until the next time some business flight is made with you outside of my control.

Yours truly,
Brandy

***************

Other than that, I went to Seattle and had an okay time. Too long, Sun through Sun, but still cool. But Heather, I don't think that place is nearly as cool as you do. And that's with four trips to Pacific Center, four space needle trips, five Seattle Center visits, six monorail trips, Experience Music Project tour, Science Fiction Museum, a Children's Museum visit and Pike Place Market all under my belt. Oh, and daily trips to Barnes and Noble where I read Michael Ian Blacks My Custom Van and Chelsea Handler's Are you there Vodka, it's me Chelsea for free while Dylan played the trains. There is no nightlife available other than hobo huddling, so it was mostly Barnes and Noble and the ordering of pizza. Glad I went once, will prolly never go again. But here's some cute stuff -- though Karen Russell ain't lying when she says your pics will be crap for awhile after her class. It's a lot to digest (and apply properly...)

2008-11-17 Seattle (19)

lookie, they have AUTUMN there...

2008-11-17 Seattle (23)

just a cute darn pic of these two...

2008-11-20 Seattle (24)

the Space Needle at night...

2008-11-20 Seattle (26)

from the Sci Fi museum...

2008-11-21 Seattle (21)

at the Pacific Center which is like a kiddie sci museum...

2008-11-21 Seattle (22)



2008-11-21 Seattle (64)

the original Starbucks...

2008-11-21 Seattle (68)

and a nice blurry pic of where we were staying from atop the needle at night...

2008-11-21 Seattle (79)

******************

And if you're still with me, this is where the story gets GOOD. There was a store called Utilikilts which is pretty much what you think -- lotsa kilts. Cargo kilts. Really cool kilts. If they cost like $100 Jason would have them now, but unfortch they were like $300. They promise a Black Friday sale, and I will be calling. There is something oddly hot about these things. I think it is the confidence it takes to pull it off, not to mention it is a perfect twist on those little schoolgirl fantasies. Except with a huge hairy man. Like I said, oddly hot. The part where they guy (who looks and talks like Seth Rogen) makes Jason drop his drawers in the middle of the store is priceless. Jason asked the guy if you wear underwear and he said it was up to you. I asked if he wore underwear and he simply said he wore socks and shoes. I guess wash before you borrow a friend's kilt...

2008-11-21 Seattle (42)

2008-11-21 Seattle (43)

2008-11-21 Seattle (44)

Priceless, indeed. I am collecting if anyone wants to donate to the "Jason needs that Cargo Kilt" collection.

Oh, and really if you're still reading now you're a hero, I got the job. Hurray!!

18 comments:

Michelle Lanning said...

Oh I love when you post! Good thing I don't fly!!

I love the pictures -- they came out great my dear!!!:)

twinsand2boys said...

Oh wow, I havent been on a plane since 1990! I cant imagine all those charges! WOW!!
Great pics and congrast on the job!

Brandi said...

Oh. My. God. LOL! I totally don't want to see (my) Jason in a kilt! It would be oddly NOT hot! LOL!

So now you see why I don't fly! OK! That's not really the reason but it's a good one! LOL!

Your pics turned out great! I love the leaf one especially and the one of Dylan in the stroller thingy is cute!

Lisa said...

HA! Your post so made the end of my day just that much better. That was until I got to the pic of Jason in the middle of a store with his pants around his ankles getting back hugged by a Seth Rogan look a like ;)

Oh and I'll be sure to remind you not to use Continental come February!

Jennifer said...

I am irritated about flying just after reading your post! That is beyond ridiculous! Great pics and congrats on the job!!

Heather said...

ahh Seattle still rocks! I don't care what you say :)

What's sad is that the other airlines I've flown are even worse. Don't even get me started on Southwest- especially flying southwest with small children. Kill me.

Kasi said...

yay! congrats on the job! And I think your pics are awesome, the one of Jason and Dylan especially.

AbbieTorroll said...

oh you so crack me up! I hear ya though, Airlines are ridiculous! Things have changed. Great Seatle pics!

Ronda Simpson said...

LMBO!! Girl, you crack me up! Now are you going to send that letter to Continental?
Love your pics from Seattle! I don't think they look like "crap" at all! And the kilt pics....hilarious!

ellen said...

holy moly would i have been pissed. and i agree, with gas prices down, WTF?

i LOVE a man in a kilt! i remember watching Orange County choppers and they went to Scotland and got them, it was so funny and brian was like, they don't wear anything underneath them? yeah baby!

Diana said...

Sorry about your travel time - that sucks. Also sorry you didn't have fun in Seattle. I wish I could have met up with you, being so close. I could have shown you some night life ;) Your pictures did turn out great though!

Deanna said...

I bet you're glad to be home then! Love the kilt idea! Josh would totally wear one, which kinda scares me--guys here play ulitmate in them...I enjoyed the pictures too! I def. see a karen-esqueness about them! Congrats on getting the job!

Kory said...

Great job on the pictures - they are looking awesome!! And congrats on the new job!! :-)

shannon said...

i think the kilt is even sexier with the pants around the ankles! ;oP
woohoo on the job!

Dolores said...

OMG Brandy that is crazy, I can't believe how much you paid in luggage handling alone. I love your photos, but my fav has to be the one of Jason dropping his pants. LOL

Liz said...

eek! at the plane stuff

lol! at the kilt stuff (hopefully they had a sale and you could get him one...)

and thanks for sharing the pics!

Liz said...

forgot the

woohoo!!! on the job part! :D

Filipa Serra e Silva said...

Hi! What's your camera? It takes lovely pictures with high definition! I want a camera just like yours, and of course i want to be a brilliant photographer just like you! Nice job!

Filipa (Portugal)